Dear North Carolina

May 10, 2012 by John McAndrew Leave a comment

So you have defined marriage as being between a man and a woman.

Have you considered defining “man” and “woman”?

After all, there are many varieties of gender, not just the two. There are the common XX and XY types. BUt I am told that there are also XXY, XXXY, Y with mutated X, and X with mutated Y, the intersexed, the transgendered and, I am sure, more.

So why stop at defining marriage? Think of the government jobs that could be created by requiring blood tests AND chromosomal and genital exams for every marriage license. For those of indeterminate gender, some kind of panel will have to be formed, to see what gender category the person fits in and whether they can be permitted to love someone who is not their exact opposite in chromosomal distribution.

Really, it’s just like miscegenation: once you say “white” and “black” don’t mix, you’re in a pickle. Who, exactly, is white, and who, exactly, is black? Some definitions really are useless for any but the most academic use, and applying them to law just makes life and governing more difficult.

You think you have settled the matter, NC. But your work has just begun.

Filed under GLBT, human rights, humor, News, opinion, politics, sex Tagged with Amendment One, equality, gender, intersexed, miscegenation, North Carolina, Same-sex marriage, transgender

Earl’s Gotta Die

March 29, 2012 by John McAndrew Leave a comment

goodbye-earl.jhtml

I love this song and video by the Dixie Chicks.

This is dedicated to the women of the new women’s movement. To any woman who has actually gone through this horror. To women who have clawed their ways back from abuse of any sort, be it

physical,
emotional, or
political,

and to those who have not survived. Like Shaima Al Awadi, a 32 year old Iraqi Muslim mother of five who was living in El Cajon, California. She was attacked and killed in her home.

Women – and the men who respect them – will fight with every skill and weapon available to defeat oppressors and guarantee a better life for your children and their children. It is a battle, like that against racism, that will have no end. We aren’t counting on early retirement from the battlefield. We will hand down our weapons and teach our skills to the next generation, that they might improve upon them as they continue the battle.

Feet in the Street, people. Whether protesting the death of a mother of five in California or the intrusions by state legislatures into women’s most personal decisions. There is strength to be gained and shown by marching together in public. En masse. Don’t let others carry the banner for you.

Join us on April 28: burying Earl will do us all a world of good.

Filed under human rights, humor, miscellaneous, music, opinion, politics, Women's Rights Tagged with Dixie Chicks, domestic violence, rape, Shaima Al Awadi, trasvaginal, ultrasound, war on women

If Kermit Was a Teacher

March 20, 2012 by John McAndrew 1 Comment

Exuberant teacher.
South Bronx.
Edible walls and roofs.
“Heirloom students making heirloom sauce.”
This is the new green graffiti.
A real “Si, se puede” moment.

From 40% attendance to 93% attendance – and without boring them to death!

15 minutes you will never regret or forget. Courtesy of TED.

Instant Update!

The Bad News is, the program at Mr. Ritz’s school was closed down.

Green Bronx Machine withered last August when Ritz was moved to a basement classroom and told to stop growing food at [the school], he said.

I have been unable to find an explanation in print as to why the program was discontinued.

The Good News is, he is taking the successful program on the road.

Although our program at Discovery School closed in August 2011, we’re taking the show on the road. At the end of February, we’ll present our work to U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan at a teachers union conference on green schools in Denver. The Blue Green Alliance, a grassroots initiative to create green jobs, has exposed our work in other cities like Philadelphia, Houston and Detroit. People want what we have. We’re exporting Bronx talent in ways we never expected.

Filed under business as unusual, environment, humor, inspiration Tagged with Bronx, Green Bronx Machine, Kermit, Si se puede, South Bronx, teacher, TED

Bigfoot Caught Rubbing One Out

February 28, 2012 by Jack Jamison Leave a comment

That’s what I thought too, but it’s actually Bigfoot holding a fish.

Filed under humor, miscellaneous, sex, shameless crap Tagged with bigfoot, bigfoot caught rubbing one out, bigfoot wanking, funny, humor, LOL

Santorum: Dan Savage May Have Started It, But The Media Is Laying It On Pretty Thick

February 27, 2012 by Jack Jamison 3 Comments

The latest one is just trying to top the others:

Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way (poll)

It’s really kind of refreshing to see the media use the language creatively (rather than just mangling it nowadays) to use an inside joke to describe a presidential contender. It often goes unnoticed in middle America, but if you’re looking for it, it’s everywhere. Kind of like the CSI black light treatment only for language. It’s disgusting, but it’s hilarious.

From Gawker:

Every Funny Headline Involving the Word ‘Santorum’

Santorum, as followers of politics know, is the Bible-thumping Republican underdog who tied Mitt Romney at last night’s Iowa Caucus. Santorum is also, as users of Googleand followers of Dan Savage know, aneologism for ”the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex.”

Here are headlines about the former that are much funnier when you imagine they are about the latter.

• Santorum Breaks Out in Iowa
• Santorum Runs Hard on Long Final Day
• Neck and Neck: Romney Tops Santorum
• Romney Tops Iowa, Santorum Surges
• Santorum Links Black People, Public Aid Programs
• SANTORUM STUNNER
• Will Santorum Surge Travel?
• Romney Pips Santorum
• Poll Shows Santorum Trails Romney, Obama in Pa.
• Santorum Surges With Low-Dollar Model (prostitute pegging story)
• Why Santorum’s Surge Could Be Sustained (guide to longer-lasting orgasms)
• Why Evangelicals Coalesced Around Santorum
• SANTORUM SURPRISE
• After Santorum’s Rise, a Test (of butt strength)
• In Final Lap Santorum Comes From Behind (Catholic news source!)
• Huntsman Heartened by Santorum’s Rise
• Santorum Bubbling Up Everywhere
• Romney and Santorum Split the Spoils
• Santorum Tests Chocolate Truffle Milk at Christmas Party
• The Fallacy in Santorum (better if you skip second half of headline)
• Santorum Surges, Paul Pushes, Perry Prays, Gingrich Cries (accurate depiction of each candidate’s sex life)
Romney Ekes Past Santorum
• Romney Turns Attention to Santorum
• Gingrich: I’d Team Up with Santorum
• Santorum Pushes Supporters to Keep Surge Alive

I have removed the word “Rick” from a few of these, to enhance the humor. If only he went by “Dick.” And his middle initial was “N.”

The best thing about the Santorum surge is that, even in Romney’s best case scenario, he must still confront a “Romney Pushes Out Santorum” headline. Poor Mitt. If he wants Santorum out, he’ll have to loosen up.